One of the biggest struggles I have on a daily basis is figuring out who I am. Yes, I am a daughter of God first and foremost; but who am I as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a consumer, an American? The more I think about me, the more I realize that I am a stranger, even to myself. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I just know how to function in my life. However, I don’t find this alarming at this moment. Ask me 2 days ago, I’d be more than alarmed.
See, humans, by nature, are meant to adapt. We wouldn’t have survived thus far if we hadn’t. When I try to figure myself out, and make some discoveries, I simply change again. Even at my most core “self” (being a child of God) I still change: experience, pain, growth, circumstances, time all aid in the changes of my identity. Sure, my place in Heaven does not change. The way God see’s me and loves me does not change. My salvation does not change. But I do. I don’t and I can’t know who I am as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend.
Our identity is not a stagnate thing. How can we possibly know who we are if we are constantly changing? What I can know is WHAT I was as those things. What I was yesterday is not who I will be tomorrow: my past does not define me, whether it’s good or bad. So why do I try so hard? I always end up disappointed and upset when things change because that isn’t who I thought I was.
It’s like when God said “I am who I am” (Exodus 3). God is who He is. God will be who He will be. God is God. There was no other explanation besides “I just am.” Sure, this statement is far more complex than I made it out to be, and God does not change…but the saying is for me. When people ask you “Who are you?”: You can say: I am who I am, I will be who I will be.
I suppose I focus too much on the variables and not enough on the constant to define the enigma we call Self. But simple put, we need forget about who we are, and know we will be who we will be, and do what God says.
Elizabeth Horn 