I’m sitting here in my little nook at the kitchen table. I’m thinking about how I wish I had more. More space to create a little office for myself. More money to decorate my house (because 85% of our furniture is hand-me-down). I’m sitting here thinking I wish I had more proof I am successful and professional. Tangible and measurable things. Things I can physically show someone so they would know “I’ve arrived.”
I’m not a materialistic person. I don’t need a lot of things to be happy. I remember a few times growing up, feeling bummed I couldn’t get name brand things, but it passed so quickly. As long as I had my adventures, it didn’t matter what material things I had or what the end looked like.
So what has changed? Why am I suddenly thinking I need more? Why do I want more? Am I really discontent with what I already have, or is something else going on?
I think we have a serious problem here in the West. This whole idea of “The American Dream” is so deeply engrained in how we function. We are always searching for the arrival. The time when we can physically show we’ve done something meaningful. We’ve accomplished what we set out to do. That somehow, we finished the job. I think this mentality plays out in every facet of our life and is so detrimental to our happiness.
I’m 27 and feel I have nothing to show for it. We’re still working to pay off debts, I don’t have a career or even a speciality. My house is mismatched and I don’t have an office. We aren’t senior pastors and we haven’t planted a church. I’m constantly downplaying my journey because I don’t feel I have the right to be proud.
But I should be proud. I should rejoicing and celebrating my accomplishments.
I wonder how much of this discontent shame would disappear if I stopped focusing on the arrival, and instead embraced the messy journey. I wonder what would happen to others if I stopped asking them what’s next? Where do you see yourself in the future? Where are you going? And instead asked: what’s now? Where are you today? What did you accomplish yesterday? What are you working on?
I’m not saying having an end goal is wrong, in fact, I think it’s vital. But the problem I see, and am having, is how to focus on the journey there instead of the physical arrival.
The journey is messy. It’s hard. And emotional. And bumpy. We don’t like these things. But I want to be more content with my messiness. I want to be fine being uncomfortable and unfinished.
Elizabeth Horn 
Great article Elizabeth! I think this is a struggle most of us face. No matter how much we accomplish, we always want just a little more. Something else. And all the while we miss the only thing we ever have: The Present.
Excellent reflection my dear!!!!! Love how you are sooooo vulnerably honest!! I’m a pretty proud mom of you 😊❤️😊